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Sunday, May 13, 2007


Sorry it's only 10:20 and not 11:30.

Things of mine to see:


For once I have things i could post about, but I'm not truly in the mood.

Just a while ago, that is around 9:30PM CDT, I desperately wanted to be alone. So much so that I didn't even want light to accompany me. I hid out in my closet for about 45 minutes listening to music on my iPod. I knew no one would disturb me in there. So I sat and tried to think. I tried to figure out why I feel so deeply that I don't belong in this world in a human body, why I think that the only thing I can do is complain. I thought so hard but I didn't make any progress. I sat in the dark and waited, pretty much.

When I left my closet, it was still dark in my room. I gathered clothes and went to take a shower. I probably would have done that in the dark, had my dad not been in his bedroom. (We have to shower in the master bath because the other shower leaks.)

Yeah. For some reason I'm in a needy yet over-companied mood. I think I've just had too much of people. I think I need to scream or something. I honestly don't know what to do to solve my problems.

I kinda wish I could stand to tell my parents that I'm a wolf. I'm afraid of what they will do. I'm afraid of the possibility of seeing a shrink and never coming home again. :(

I would relate my experience at Outback Steakhouse this evening, but I'm honestly not in the mood. Maybe tomorrow's post.


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